Abortion Isn't Only About Women, or Children...

As a Knight of Columbus, I received my copy of the July 2008 issue of Columbia magazine this week. (Click on the link to view online version) The cover story reminded me of something that we often overlook in our society. I thought it was particularly pertinent to the current discussion here on this blog and so decided to write a little about it. This month's cover reads, "SPECIAL REPORT: MEN AND ABORTION. As somebody who has been personally touched by this issue, I am glad to see the Knights of Columbus beginning to forge relationships with other organizations which seek to raise awareness to the suffering of men who have either played a direct role in the procuring of an abortion, or have felt its effects,....as I have. Most of what I will touch on here can be read on-line at the above link. I will also offer a few personal thoughts.

On a global scale, approximately 40 million abortions are performed annually. Each unborn member of the human family who suffers the agony of this death has both a mother, and a father. And while it has long been known that abortion can have negative psychological affects on women, it is becoming increasingly apparent that men also can be forced to deal with post- abortion trauma. The city of San Francisco hosted the first of it's kind international conference on male post-abortion trauma back on November 28-29 2007. The event was co-sponsored by the Knights of Columbus, the Archdiocese of San Francisco, and the Milwaukee based National Office of Post-Abortion Reconciliation & Healing, or NOPARH. The conference was titled
"Reclaiming Fatherhood: A Multifaceted Examination of Men Dealing with Abortion." The message of this conference was that abortion can impact men as well as women. There is another such conference planned for September 8-9, 2008 in Chicago. As anyone interested can read further in the articles I have provided links to, I'll try to keep it brief in this post.

New research, although still in it's infancy, has shown that men can experience a wide variety of emotions due to the abortion of one of their children. Feelings such as loss and sadness, grief, powerlessness, guilt, remorse, regret, anger and even rage. It seems men can suffer from post-abortion symptoms that are consistent with post-traumatic stress disorder. (Visit Chris Aubert's website and read his personal testimony by clicking here). Indeed, some of the emotional turmoils in the life of a man which can be attributable to abortion can also include anxiety, sexual dysfunction, depression and a host of others. Vincent M. Rue, a psychotherapist who holds a doctorate in child development and family relations, is the director of the Institute for Pregnancy Loss in Jacksonville Fla. ( Read an interview with Dr. Rue on the Knights of Columbus Columbia homepage). It was Dr. Rue who in testimony before the U.S. Congress in 1981 provided some of the earliest evidence of post-abortion trauma, identifying the condition as "Post-Abortion Syndrome." It is a myth to suppose that all, or most, or even some men simply don't care whether or not the woman who is carrying their child has an abortion. Finally, men are beginning to speak out and challenge the idea that this is a woman's only issue.

"A woman should have the right to choose, it's her body." "This is a private matter between women and her doctor." These matras are coming under increased scrutiny. One aspect of the abortion issue that rarely gets any mention is the fact that in the United States, men have no reproductive rights whatsoever. In the case of an abortion, this only fuels in men the feelings of inadequacy, and powerlessness. In 1976, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a husband has no legal right to limit his wife's decision to abort, or even to be informed of her decision. This just doesn't make any sense to me at all! In the day and age in which we live, with technology where it is, and I'm thinking here of artificial insemination, the cry goes out across the land that women don't need men to raise or even have children. I beg to differ. Granted, a woman can become impregnated through artificial means, without any contact with man right? Or can she? Last time I checked, a woman will still need sperm to conceive a child. In order to get that "sample," a man will in all likelihood visit a fertility clinic and "make a donation." How is he going to do that? .......I trust you see my point. There will still be a sexual act of sorts, and there will still be contact with the sperm of the doner. Now, where am I going with this? The fact is that men do have legal rights in the cases of both frozen embryo's, and adoption decisions. How, HOW can we leave out the father in the decision to abort a child? Maybe it's time for legislation which will protect the rights of father's as well? Can you imagine though the chaos in the court system if fathers were in a legal position to challenge an abortion?

So, what is my personal experience with abortion? I have to tread lightly here, because I do not want to offend anyone in my family. At the same time, I am not violating any confidences, this has been spoken about openly and rather shamelessly in my family ever since I can remember. So....here goes.

I grew up an only child. I have been told however from a very young age that it nearly wasn't the case. I had a little brother or sister on the way, but........."we took care of it." When I was little, I didn't really understand what that meant. The last thing I want to do here is sound judgemental. I am not judging my parents.....I am not......But, I am grieved. At least I think I am. Over the last little while, I have begun to think about how my life might have been different growing up with a younger brother or sister......I can't help but feel that there should have been a fourth place at the dinner table at home while I was growing up....I know I know, it's none of my business. What about my grandparents on both sides of the family who never got to love another grandchild?, and who never felt that love reciprocated?.........What about my Aunts and Uncles who were denied a nephew or niece?, and their children who were denied another cousin?.....I know, it's none of their business either......What about my own parents who.......I'm not sure which word to use here............"denied"...... themselves another child, and potentially another son or daughter-in-law? What about the grandchildren who may have been born to them through my brother or sister?.......What about my children, who may have had another aunt or uncle and the pleasure of cousins?.......So many people who could have loved my little brother or sister, and so many people he or she could have loved. I'm asking myself, why????? Why at 34 am I increasingly being haunted by these thoughts? Why the inner confusion and turmoil?

I know, I know,......it's none of my business anyway. Right?......Or......does this affect more people than we realize?